The Save The Marriage Podcast

by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

22m

average length

218

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Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.

Best The Save The Marriage Podcast episodes upvoted by the community

Last updated on August 13, 2020, 1:00 pm

#7

Co-Dependence, Independence, and Interdependence – Listener’s Question

July 04, 2019 • 18m

Here we are, Independence Day in the United States, marking the moment when the young colonies rejected ties to the British Crown. So many times, I have people "declare their independence" from their marriage... somehow seeing marriage as about dependence.  In our culture, any connection and reliance on someone else is often labeled as "dependence" or "codependence."  In reaction, people want to shift to "independence." In the healthiest of marriages, there is "interdependence."  You can have your own identity AND rely upon another person.  You can have separate roles and responsibilities, but ones that support each other, AND not be codependent.  But interdependent. Where does dependence, though, cross over to codependence?  That word... that label... is so overused that we rarely remember what it originally meant (I explain it in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast below). It is true, some couples and individuals ARE overly reliant on a spouse for emotional support and help.  It is also true that every couple should be able to rely on the relationship for emotional support.  But what is healthy?  When does it become UN-healthy? Colleen wrote in and asked (and YOU can submit a question, too, by CLICKING HERE and emailing it), and it is an important question -- is this codependence, and how can you deal with it? Listen below to learn about dependence, independence, codependence, and interdependence, in your own marriage. RELATED RESOURCES Needs in Marriage Emotional Connection Managing Your Emotions Your Support Team Self-Expansion Save The Marriage System

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#10

How to Deepen Your Connection

June 10, 2020 • 43m

The #1 reason people sought me out for couples counseling:  “We are just not connected.”  The #1 reason why marriages end up failing:  “We are just too disconnected." What happened?  That connection you had at the beginning of your marriage… where did it go? I can tell you the biggest reason why couples become disconnected:  life gets in the way.  Or more correctly, couples let life get in the way.  They hit the “pause button” on the relationship.  Because of kids, the career, schooling, hobbies, friends… lots of reasons. They just didn’t know there is no such thing as a pause button.  Either your relationship is growing or receding.  There is no pause. Still, they hit pause… and their marriage begins to disconnect.  Then, reconnecting seems so hard.  It is pushing against the inertia created.  It starts feeling like one more “have to” that is shuffled off to the back, last in line.  The marriage stays “paused,” and the relationship continues to decline. How DO you deepen your connection? That is the topic on this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast. I discuss the 3 levels of connection, and why it is so easy at the beginning… and then gets hard.  I also note the 2 characteristics you need in order to build the connection between you and your spouse. And then, I introduce you to a couple who have created a fun way to build connection with your spouse.  Don’t miss that discussion!   RELATED RESOURCES BetterTopics.com Kickstarter Project Book:  How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps (I cover the 3 levels of connection) The Importance of Connection Pause Button Marriage Why Pause is So Bad

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#13

Am I Against Therapy?

January 24, 2019 • 22m

I spent way more time in school than I would like.  To be honest, I never enjoyed school.  Not when I was a kid.  Not in high school.  Not in college.  And not in 3 rounds of grad school (2 Master's and 1 Ph.D.). But I spent that time in school because I had a goal.  To be a therapist.  So, I did extensive training, focusing on marriage and family therapy. So why am I critical of therapy? Partly because I have seen it from the inside.  Partly because I have seen the outcome studies of therapy -- particularly marital therapy. Which raises the question:  am I opposed to therapy? The answer:  not in theory.  And not even in some specifics. When couples are ready to make changes, and when they work with a therapist who is specifically trained in marriage and family therapy theory, and who is skilled... the outcome can be excellent. I know many couples who have benefitted.  And I know some pretty amazing therapists. But overall, the stats are not good.  At least, in terms of saving marriages.  1/2 of all marriages that get therapy end up divorced -- the same stat that applies to the general population. There are some specific reasons why therapy often falls short.  Some have to do with therapy/therapist.  Some have to do with clients/couples. I discuss why there are issues in this week's Save The Marriage Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES: How To NOT Save Your Marriage Problems with Therapy What Your Therapist WON'T Tell You How to Guarantee Therapy FAILS If you have tried therapy and it didn't work, or if you don't want to do therapy, please grab my Save The Marriage System

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#14

Don’t Blame Valentine!

February 15, 2018 • 20m

Let me just say, from the outset, I AM a fan of romance. That said, I DON'T like when "romantic feelings" are used as the yardstick for a marriage.  If you are dating someone and have no romantic feelings, ever, that is a reason for concern.  If you have been married for awhile and are not feeling the romance... that is something to work on.  Not a reason to walk away. Which brings us to the last couple of days. Today (the day this episode comes out) is Valentine's Day.  According to tradition, it honors a priest, Valentine. During the reign of Emperor Claudius II in third century Rome, Valentine disobeyed the emperor.  Claudius had decided that young single men made good soldiers.  Not so good when attached to a love.  So, he forbade marriage. But Valentine persisted in marrying young couples in love. And according to tradition, he paid the price of disobeying with his life. There are other twists and turns to the history of Valentine's day.  But the fact remains that the day is in honor of St. Valentine. Which is the point I think we miss.  He stood for marriage.  Not just romance.  Marriage.  He didn't condone love.  He supported marriage.  He married those in love.  It was not him trying to get people to fall in love.  He was marrying those in love. Why does that matter? Because of how we have elevated the feeling of being "in love."  Otherwise known as infatuation.  An unsustainable rush of excitement and adrenaline that acts like obsession and addiction.  But has somehow become the yardstick of a successful marriage. Is it great when those emotions resurface throughout a marriage?  Absolutely. But when they become the yardstick... trouble. Listen to the podcast for more. RELATED RESOURCES: Kill Cupid Connection Adrenaline vs. Endorphin Attraction Save The Marriage System

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