The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast With Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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Learn how to create great relationships, feel happier, grow as a person, create your ideal career, and make good things happen in your life. Host Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a psychologist, marriage and family therapist, certified life coach and founder of GrowingSelf.com. Every week she answers your questions, interviews inspiring experts, and brings you new ideas to help you create the Love, Happiness and Success that you deserve.

Best The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast With Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby episodes upvoted by the community

Last updated on May 28, 2020, 4:04 pm

#3

New Relationship Anxiety: Your Questions Answered

October 09, 2018 • 64m

Are you on pins and needles, riddled with anxiety about a new relationship? You're not alone. For most of our dating coaching clients, the "dating" part is not that hard. You put a profile together, attend social functions with a smile on your face, and you're going to have opportunities. Going on an actual date or three is not the biggest deal. What IS the biggest deal, and what our dating coaching clients really struggle with, is how to manage all the anxiety, insecurity, and angst about the unknown that comes with finding someone they really like and who they've started seeing regularly. That's when all the questions come up. Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm tackling some of your new relationship questions in hopes of putting some of that new relationship anxiety to rest. We'll discuss: How to manage new relationship anxiety The stages of a new relationship New relationship questions When to bring up topics like dating exclusively, or how you really feel Things to look for that indicate red flags and / or compatibility When you should move forward dating someone with a history of depression or other issues (and when to fold 'em). What to do when someone you like hasn't called or texted in a while, or gives other signals that they might not be that into you How to put self-love and self-worth front and center of all new dating relationships How to move a new relationship forward without "scaring someone off" All that, and more, on the podcast. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com PS: Resources we discussed on the show: The How Healthy is Your Relationship Quiz, and How to Cultivate Healthy Self-Love PPS: Do YOU have questions for me? Dating questions, or otherwise? Leave them in the comments: I read every one! :)

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#4

How to Declutter Your Life

August 19, 2019 • 57m

THE POWER OF DECLUTTERING: Do you ever feel oppressed by all the stuff you're hanging on to? Is it hard to get organized, and stay organized? Do you feel like your life is crammed full of obligations, relationships, things — even a career — that no longer fits the person you've grown into? Intentionally getting clear about who you are NOW, and where you want to go with your life can help you cut through all the clutter and develop an environment and a lifestyle that feels satisfying and congruent with the best parts ofyou.   True, meaningful decluttering goes much deeper than just cleaning out a closet. Decluttering and maintaining a values-based, intentional lifestyle is an exercise in personal clarity and evolution. To help YOU along your journey of renewal and growth I've invited decluttering expert Olivia Heine to join me on the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. If you're looking for some decluttering inspiration, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode. We're discussing: How decluttering your life can lead to emotional growth and healing How to get clarity about your self and your life goals, so that you know what to keep and what to let go of How to use the process of decluttering as a vehicle that can actually help you process unfinished emotional business from the past Why releasing physical possessions is often the first step in making positive changes in other parts of your life How to deal with tricky emotions (like guilt) that make it hard to let go of things How to declutter your life, your relationships, your career, and your time How the practice of decluttering helps you feel more confident and empowered How holding space in your life for the things that ARE important to you helps you create the life you want How to maintain an organized, intentional lifestyle long-term And more! So much good stuff to share with you. Olivia and I hope this discussion helps YOU get clear about who you are, what you want.... and what it's time to release! All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.GrowingSelf.com Ps: Questions? Comments? Join the conversation! www.growingself.com/the-power-of-decluttering

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#10

Blended Family Problems? Here's Some Advice...

August 17, 2015 • 36m

How to Make Your Blended Family Work Despite the best of intentions, some marriages just don't work out. Many, if not most, people do go on to find love again, and eventually remarry. It's not uncommon at all for second marriages to involve children from previous relationships, creating step-families or "blended families." Here's the deal: You can fall in love with your dream-partner, and have an amazing relationship. You can laugh, be best friends, be romantically compatible, love all the same things, communicate beautifully... and still have an extremely difficult time weathering the ups and downs of (normal and expected) blended family problems. I say "normal and expected" because there is always friction as people are learning how to live with each other and love each other. Blended families have more friction because they involve more people. Sometimes, it's a lot of friction before you get things worked out. In fact, most couples are absolutely shocked at just how hard the experience of creating a blended family can be.  Furthermore, it's really almost impossible to know, in advance of your remarriage, what the "hotspots" and triggers for with each other and your respective kids are going to be before you all begin living under the same roof. While premarital counseling can help prepare your blended family for success, you often just can't anticipate what problems are going to come up until you do it. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm discussing the factors that lead to blended family problems, and how you can circumvent them (or repair them, if you're already going through this). By understanding the emotional dynamics at work in your blended family, and having a plan for how to negotiate them, you can create a happy, supportive and peaceful blended family experience. Really!    

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#13

What To Do When Your Partner Has a Problem

March 13, 2017 • 60m

  It is agonizing to be in a relationship with someone you love very much, but who has a serious -- and untreated -- problem. If your partner is struggling with something like depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, pornography addiction, ADHD or PTSD it can wreak absolute havoc in your relationship, not to mention make you (both) miserable. If the problem has been going on for a long time, it may even make you question whether you should continue to support and help your partner... or whether it's time to cut your losses and end the relationship. This topic has been on my mind lately, as I've recently had a number of listeners of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast ask me these questions: How do I help my partner who is depressed (or anxious / ADHD / addicted to something) and refuses to get help? What are signs your partner will get their act together, and what are signs you should break up? How do I help my husband who is suffering from PTSD, and won't talk to anyone? How many chances should I give my alcoholic / addicted partner? I promised, "For better or for worse," but it wrong of me to bail on this marriage if my spouse is not holding up their end of the bargain? Is my boyfriend ever going to be cured of his pornography addiction? Should I feel guilty for ending this relationship, even if I feel like I need to save myself? These are big, serious questions. But you, my dear listener, told me this is what is important to you... and I'm listening to you. We're going there on this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. I hope that this discussion helps you find your way through this dark time, and back into clarity and inner peace. All the best to you, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. Would YOU like to ask me a question? I always respond to comments. Or you can also record a voicemail for me (via the button on this page) and I may answer your question on the next podcast!!

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#15

What's Holding YOU Back?

June 05, 2017 • 39m

Feeling stuck? Here's How to Break Free... Most people who want more out of life seek out counseling or coaching because they are not willing to settle. They want to make a positive change in their lives, their careers, in their relationships, or in themselves, but have run out of ideas. They have tried everything that they, personally, know how to do to improve the situation... and it hasn't worked. They feel stuck. If you've been feeling this way lately, I want you to know that 1) you're not alone, and that 2) I'm going to help you with this. Like right now. Here's the big secret to getting unstuck: Self awareness. What nobody realizes, before entering personal growth work, is that "the problem" they've been trying to fix is not actually what needs their attention. Focusing on the circumstance, or the situation, is not going to move the needle for you. The answer is not outside. It's inside. Only when you identify the unconscious, inner obstacles that have been getting in your way will you start to move meaningfully forward. Until that happens, you'll spin. (And seethe. And beat yourself up. And get increasingly frustrated.) As frustrating and uncomfortable as this stuck place is, can be it's really an amazing opportunity in disguise. Why? Because it's often feeling ABSOLUTELY FED UP WITH STUCK-NESS that launches people into the life-changing journey of growth and soul-expansion that would not have been possible otherwise. Often, this journey carries people through places inside themselves that they'd never even imagined existed. As people move towards empowerment, towards designing their lives, and towards "creating change" they often discover that the path is one of growth. Of personal evolution. Of compassion. Of self actualization. Sometimes, even one of healing. This is a beautiful experience and one I believe passionately that everyone deserves. So on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm actually going to give you a "Master Class" of the main ideas that all our counseling and coaching clients arrive upon, eventually: The path to creating change outside yourself starts from within. Only by uncovering the inner, hidden obstacles that have been holding you back will you be able to move forward and create meaningful and lasting change in your life, your career, your relationships... and in yourself. Self awareness is the first step of personal transformation. Only when you understand yourself, and the unconscious obstacles you've been wrestling with, can you make the changes that will actually help you break free. How to Cultivate Self Awareness: Step 1: Listen to the podcast to learn about the "four domains of stuck-ness" that people often get trapped by. See which resonates with you! Step 2: Click here to take the "What's Holding You Back" quiz to find out which of these domains is the most powerful in your life. Step 3: Then use your newfound self-awareness to take positive, and most importantly effective, action. Step 4: Share your experiences in the comments on http://www.growingself.com/break-free/ We all learn and grow from our connections with each other, after all... (I'll even go first). xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby http://www.growingself.com

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#16

How to Start Making Positive Changes in Your Life

May 13, 2019 • 59m

We think of the process of changing your life as a positive thing — one that is hopeful, and infused with joy. However, here's the dirt: While the results are absolutely positive, no-one ever, ever, changes because they're just so happy with their life as it currently is. No. People actually change because they are frustrated, annoyed, hurt, embarrassed, experiencing negative consequences, or just completely worn out and exhausted from living the way they have been. It takes a brave soul to raise their hand and say, "This is what changing my life actually was like — tell my story." It's such a treasure when that happens though. We all learn from each other, and hearing how people just like us learned, changed, grew, and evolved, creates an inspirational path that we can then follow ourselves. Today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast that is exactly what we are doing. My dear colleague, fellow Denver therapist and online life coach Polly Drew has an inspiring story of personal transformation to share. She talks about the change process: From her first awareness that she had a problem, to how she got the motivation to start making changes, to the support and systems she needed to put into place in order to be successful in changing her life. We're talking all about what it takes to really change your life on this episode of the podcast. With love, Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT& Polly Drew, M.Ed., LMFT www.growingself.com

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#17

Communication Problems & How to Fix Them, Part 3: Dealing With a Withdrawn Partner

April 17, 2017 • 42m

What to do when your partner shuts down. Are you trying to have a relationship with a partner who avoids, defends or worse... won't talk at all? Few things are as frustrating, or as hurtful. It's hard NOT to get upset and angry when you're feeling rejected, unloved, or uncared for. The problem is that many people who clam up as a defensive strategy when things get tense don't understand how destructive their behaviors can be to your relationship. But there is help, and there is hope. Because these types of communication problems are so common, I thought it might be helpful to you if I put together a "Communication Problems" podcast-mini series. "Communication Issues" are the single most common presenting issue that brings couples to marriage counseling. The first thing to know about communication problems: Absolutely ALL couples struggle to communicate with each other from time to time. Just because it's happening in your relationship does not spell doom. Truthfully, by making a few positive changes in the way you interact with each other, you can avoid many communication problems -- and start enjoying each other again. In episode 1, "Communication Problems and How To Fix Them" we discussed the most important and empowering things you can remain mindful of if you want to improve the communication in your relationship: Systems theory, and your own empowerment to affect positive change. In episode 2, "Dealing With an Angry Partner" we addressed the oh-so-common "pursue / withdraw" dynamic that so many couples can fall in to. This idea is at the core of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy -- one of the most well researched and scientifically supported approaches to couples counseling. (And what we practice here at Growing Self!) Specifically in episode 2, we looked at this communication pattern from the perspective of the "withdrawer" (i.e. the person in the relationship who might be perceiving their "pursuing partner" as angry or even hostile. In that episode I gave you some tips to help get back into the ring with your partner, some insight into why they may be so angry, and things that you can do to help soothe their anger and bring the peace back into your home. In the third and final episode of our "Communication Problems" series, "Dealing With a Withdrawn Partner" we'll be looking at this from the perspective of the partner who pursues -- the one who is attempting to engage with a partner who seems emotionally distant, avoidant, and unresponsive. If you've been feeling frustrated or angry because your partner refuses to talk to you, this one is for you. In this episode I'm talking about what may be leading your partner to seem emotionally withdrawn, as well as things that you can do to help your partner come closer to you emotionally, and start opening up again. We're discussing: The issues that may have nothing to do with you that are leading your partner to withdraw The biggest mistakes you can make when dealing with an avoidant-prone partner Strategies for dealing with your anger and / or anxiety if your partner is making you crazy Communication strategies to help make it easier for your partner to open up to you The paradoxical trick to making your partner feel more interested in coming towards you I sincerely hope that this series helps you understand what may be happening at the root of your communication problems, as well as some real-world tips for things that can help you improve your relationship. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com P.S. The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast -- like everything else I do here at Growing Self, is all about YOU: What you need, and what will help you improve your situation. If you have a question related to communication, relationships, or anything else, please get in touch. You can leave your comment below, or you can even record a voice message (button is top-right if you're on your laptop) I can respond to you in an upcoming episode of the podcast. Let me know what's on your mind! -- LMB

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#19

How to Repair Your Self Esteem After a Breakup

September 18, 2017 • 63m

Has Your Breakup or Divorce Shattered Your Self Esteem? Hands down, one of the most horrible parts about going through a bad breakup or divorce is the way it mangles your self esteem. I know, from so many years as a therapist and life coach, that many people experience post-divorce depression (or post-breakup depression). There are many parts to this experience: Grief and loss, or feeling overwhelmed by all the practical aspects of putting your life back together. However, for most people, the most terrible depression after a breakup comes when it damages your self esteem, and makes you start to feel badly about yourself. If you've been feeling down on yourself since your relationship ended I want you to know something right off the bat, which is that feeling this way does not mean that you're actually "less than." Really: I talk to a LOT of people about the most vulnerable parts of their life. I know for a fact that even the most gorgeous, amazing, successful people second-guess themselves after a divorce or breakup. Even the most naturally confident, strong, and reasonable among us -- in the throes of a devastating break up -- still have these types of horrible, torturous conversations with themselves in their darkest moments: Anxious Thought: "Why did this relationship fail?" Self-Esteem Crushing Answer: Because of all your personal shortcomings and the mistakes you made in this marriage or relationship. Anxious Thought: "Why doesn't the person I love more than anything want to be with me anymore?" Self Esteem Crushing Answer: Because you aren't interesting / fun / sexy / smart / successful enough. Anxious Thought: "Why didn't my Ex care enough about me to treat me better while we were together?" Self Esteem Crushing Answer: Because you're just not that worthy or lovable. Anxious Thought: "Why did my Ex cheat on me or get together with someone new?" Self Esteem Crushing Answer: Because that someone new is much more interesting, attractive, worthy of love and respect. Basically, they're just a better person than you. If you're going through a bad breakup, chances are you're probably nodding to yourself as you see this self-destructive internal dialogue put to paper. You've probably been being tortured by these ideas too. And it's making you feel terrible about yourself. But, believe it or not, as bad as that is.... that's not even the most toxic, ruinous thing that can happen to your already fragile self-esteem in the aftermath of a traumatic break up. The most terrible thing is not when your Ex betrays you or mistreats you. It's not even when you blame yourself for why it didn't work out, or torture yourself with ongoing commentary about all of your shortcomings and failures. The Most Destructive Part of a Breakup: Breaking Your Trust in Yourself Yes, your self esteem gets throttled when you feel rejected, or blame yourself for what went wrong. But it gets ground up into sausage and squished into the dirt when you betray or mistreat yourself in the aftermath of a terrible breakup: When you fail to protect yourself from a toxic or abusive Ex. When you do things that you're ashamed of... all in desperate efforts to even briefly escape the pain of heartbreak, and reconnect with your Ex. When you keep contacting or spying on your Ex through social media, even when you know you shouldn't. When you are still sleeping or hooking up with your Ex, even when you feel more devastated afterwords. When your mental and emotional energy is still completely focused on your Ex, and your mood for the entire day (not to mention your worth as a person) depends on what they are doing or not doing. When you are compromising your ethics, morals, and self respect in efforts to regain the love and approval of your Ex. This darkness is not something that usually gets discussed openly. But it's very real, and very destructive to your long term health, your happiness, and your self worth. And as you know only too well if you're going through it, you need support and compassion on your path of healing and recovery. I have spent years helping broken hearted people with divorce and break-up recovery counseling and coaching, and poured through oceans of research to write my book, "Exaholics: Breaking your addiction to an Ex Love." I've spent years helping my private clients heal their self esteem in the aftermath of a bad breakup, and now we're addressing it today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. On today's show I'm going to help you understand how your self esteem was damaged, and how to develop new compassion and empathy for yourself. We're also going to discuss the five steps to healing your self esteem after a break up, so that you can start putting yourself back together again. I hope that this helps support you on your journey of growth and healing. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com PS: In this podcast, we discuss a number of resources. Here are links to all the breakup recovery resources I shared: My private Online Breakup Support Group on Facebook. (It's a hidden group, so you have to request access). Exaholics.com Online Breakup Recovery Program: www.breakup-recovery.com Book: Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love

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#20

Personal Growth is For Everyone: Black Counselors Speak Out

June 04, 2018 • 65m

Everyone has the right to growth, and to feel safe, comfortable, welcome, and understood in what should be the most healing environment of all: Therapy, life coaching or marriage counseling. However, for African Americans, people of color, and other minority groups in the U.S., that has not always been the case. Particularly for black people, getting involved in meaningful growth work can be fraught with obstacles. The time to change that is now. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I've invited my colleagues Anastacia Sams, Teresa Thomas, and Zachary Gaiter to talk about their perspective as black therapists and black marriage counselors. We're discussing: The historical influences that have created feelings of stigma or unease for black people to get involved in therapy. How the idea of using personal growth for self improvement has not been part of black culture... And why that needs to change. How the legacy of racism has led to a culture of concealment about vulnerable topics among African Americans, and how this impacts both individuals and couples. "Black Love," the "Superwoman Syndrome," and the impact of prejudice on self-esteem, intimacy, personal responsibility, and empowerment. How affirming and healing it can be for black people to connect with a supportive black therapist, black life coach, or black marriage counselor who really understands them, where they come from, and how to help them grow. We hope you join us today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Zachary Gaiter, M.A., LPCC, Teresa Thomas, M.A., Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT www.growingself.com

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